There are majorly two types of girls according to my findings,
1. The bubbly and chatty ones
2. The sober and silent ones
I belong to the latter category since childhood and was most famous as ‘The Sober one‘ among my friends and family who always weighed her words and then spoke. I cannot speak random or speak a lot though my laughters have the capability to echo through the entire building, but it only happens when I have a bunch of “My People” around.
Since girls of a talkative and friendly nature have a visible dominance, the silent and sober ones always feel left out in the social circle. They ought to be very less of noticeable among people, that too comes with no surprise. I used to see girls having endless talks, chirping, laughing, giggling, gossiping and thought to myself, why can’t I be like that? Why I cannot initiate talks? Why I can’t jump into a random group talk and make myself comfortable? Why I can’t pass a smile to everyone and act like we have been friends forever?
I just couldn’t do any of above.
Sending a Facebook friend request, or hitting the follow button on IG was a complete no-no for me!
I was assumed as self centered, proud and egotistical.
These were the very first impressions I had on people right after the exchange of names. A very dear friend of mine revealed her opinion about me as soon as we got friendzoned, that too after alot of struggle from both our sides and that was “I always saw you as the angry one before”
The silent ones do give a tough time to everyone, don’t they?
Maybe because they are afraid to engage in idle talks having no appropriate matter.
Or maybe because they hold a firm belief on
“A shut mouth gathers no flies“.
Anyway, then came the age when our desi society finds a girl all ready to be adorned with the best of clothes and shoes for that one special day, showing up with trays or trolleys carrying a plate of circularly alligned biscuits overlapping each other (most commonly), a dish containing kebabs (shami kebabs to be precise) and a fork, a crystal bowl of polychromatic nimco (not very common but still practiced), the famous yellow bakery wala cake cut in slices sitting lengthwise in the middle of a plate overlapping each other, and lastly a tea set reserved in every home for special guests containing the most ehtimaam se banai gai Chae because she is now eligible for the mandatory match-making and being examined from the first hair strand on her head to her last toe nail. (I went through none of the above but witness it happening alot)
My family was actually worried and concerned about me because of the mere fact that I wouldn’t talk, A LOT!
That’s when I started to build an inferiority complex inside myself. I used to invent topics in my head so that I can have something to talk about. Something to say.
But how could I talk?
How could I just blabber things in order to gain few welcomes in the rishta culture?
Couldn’t I just be a good listener?
Is the action of ‘talking’ that much of an obligatory part for a girl’s identity?
Since we lived abroad back then, my grandmother (may her soul rest in peace) used to call my mother saying time and again k “Taskeen se kaho sab se baat kiya karey agey barh barh k.”
Because I know there are girls out there who don’t need a push to engage in conversations.
There are girls who have the ability to pass a smile or greeting as a result of a mere eye contact.
There are girls who can have endless talks over a cell phone and need to be reminded about their pending chores.
There are girls who can easily match their chemistry with others befriending mostly everyone on their way.
There are many of them.
Plenty of them!
And I wasn’t one of them. (Read am instead of wasn’t)
My mother used to force me to have an ear to ear smile and get myself engaged in talks. Sometimes scolding,
Sometimes piyar se
In a taunting voice,
And then dara k
But since it wasn’t in my nature, I had to fight myself to obey. I got rebellious back in those days. Confronting people and meeting them was the last thing I wanted to do. I disliked welcoming guests at home because that called for continuous blabbering without hardly a minute or two of silence. Ammi while randomly talking to her friends used to say “She is all sober. I am so worried about her“.
And then 2, 3 aunties breaking the typical aunty-ism came to my rescue saying
“Sober aur suljhi hui larkian aqalmand hoti hain, humein tou aesi he pasand hain”
Not that I got married to any of those aunties sons yet happily married to the man of my dreams Alhamdolillah, but this one compliment boosted me up.
It made me realize a few things.
1. You should be comfortable in your own skin.
2. It’s not obnoxious to be all sober and serious.
3. Do not, I repeat DO NOT compare yourself with any of your sibling, friend, cousin, or any other xyz.
4. Whatever nature you possess, you should be able to carry it in the best possible and dignified manner.
Just love yourself the way you are and others will start loving you. Show your hidden potentials to the world without any comparison to others. And one day you surely will be acknowledged for who you are.
The true you.
The honest you.
The real you.
Concluding this with a self invented thought,
“The beauty of silent ones lies in their quietness same as the charm of chatty ones lies in their talks”
Do let me know about any of the struggles you faced being not very talkative…