Since this is an awareness post and I want to stick to reality of the struggles raising a boy, so let’s keep it all natural and stop ourselves from doing “Haws and hayyes” instead of spreading awareness among our kids.
Watching this week’s episodes of drama serial ‘Haiwan‘ airing on ARY Digital starring Faisal Qureshi, Savera Nadeem, Sanam Chaudhry and others has left me totally startled, paralysing my brain as a mother!
Where are we heading to? Our children are being deprived of their security and safety rights. The society we live in has shaped into an undomesticated ferocious beast with enormous claws ready to gulp down the most vulnerable, innocent beings.
The only way to fight this beast is to grill our children’s brains with awareness. No matter how small they are. Once they start their school, they are now the smarty pants, picking and grasping things with the speed of light.
To all the mothers of boys, don’t think they aren’t prone to any kind of abuse specially a sexual one. Because there is a visible increase in cases like those which are still unable to gather some media lights and continue to go unreported. And since the masculine sex is claimed to be powerful, their problems are often ignored and overlooked without much of a support from the ill-equipped legal system.
If girls are the delicate flowers of our society then boys too are our sunshine. We cannot and should not overlook their security aspects by merely saying “Larka hai!”
Larka hai apna acha bura janta hai!
Larka hai sab kuch kar sakta hai!
Larka hai apne aap ko bacha sakta hai!
Larka hai, Maghrib pe bahar nikal sakta hai!
Larka hai, raat ko chat (roof) pe ja sakta hai!
Larka hai barish mein bahar khel sakta hai!
These notions need to be revised now. Because “wo tou larka hai lekin zamana ab kharab hai”
Lately, my boy has been fascinated by small things around him including his body parts. Small toy cars, cute little books, tiny crayons, mini legos, little babies and even the tiniest nail of his pinky finger to be precise and of course his boyhood thing that amazed him being discovered during the struggling potty training session.
He always exclaims seeing anything smaller in size by joining his thumb and index finger, closing his fist, shutting his eyes saying “chota munna, isko pappi karte hain.” (little baby, let’s kiss it)
This may sound cute but the first time he said “isko pappi karte hain”, I got alarmed right then.
Because not everything needs a pappi from you!
The next day he got back from school and while mentioning the names of his newly made friends, he takes the name of a girl class fellow saying “Sara is so cute. She is my friend. Usko pappi karte hain?”
Not kidding, I was on the verge of a heart attack when a sudden realization shook me all over. And that was, he wasn’t telling me about kissing the girl. He was rather asking and confirming if he should pappify her?
Clearing the sweat from my forehead, I sat pulling my son into my arms, made him sit on my lap, raised my index finger, spoke in a final word tone and said,
“Friends ko pappi nahi karte hain!”
The very next second he asked, “Handshake?”
I replied “Only with boys! You should not shake hand with any girl.”
He again asked “and with miss Amber?”
To which I again had to say “only boys!”
Though teachers no doubt are your soul parents but again, they aren’t your real parent. Because the terms “maa jesi, baap jesa” have lost their essence and trust in the current socioeconomic situation.
Anyways, I kept on repeating this time and again and now whenever anyone asks him about the names of his friends he goes like:
“Akbar is my friend. Usko handshake karte hain”
“Sara is my friend. Usko pappi ni karte, handshake bhi ni karte”
People used to laugh it off at first saying: “abhi se admi bana dia hai bache ko”
But I stayed determined. Because there is nothing like “abhi se” when bringing up a kid. It needs to be started from the initial years so that they can stick to it in their teens and afterwards. Whatever they learn from childhood is what they ace at after growing up. Their thinking, concepts, approach, emotions, habits have their roots spreading and gaining strength right after being able to utter their first word.
The next task was something that whenever I thought to give it a try, I found myself drenched in sweats of shyness and worries of explaining it to him because I am a mother to a boy! It was an awareness about his private areas. But I had to stand up, brace myself and take the lead preparing myself to answer all the ifs and buts.
And this one is the most crucial part of upbringing when raising your kids. Please, I repeat please sit down and think, devise your formulas and ways to make your child aware about it. This shouldn’t be ignored. Neither it is a topic to be Haww-ed! It’s merely the need of this hour. And only a mother can do this in the most polite and detailed way leaving no room for further interrogations and quenching her child’s inquisitive thirst if she is willing!
Anyhow, while the on going potty training sessions he discovered it and was startled to see the wonders it was able to perform by summoning to nature’s call. It left me thinking deeply how to satisfy his inquisitions in a polite yet contented manner so that he has nothing left to keep wondering about.
I started inculcating in his mind that you should not allow anyone to touch you. While washing him up and bathing him, I accidentally came in contact with it and said:
“I am so sorry. Mamma shouldn’t touch it.”
Since kids these days require an answer to every thing you forbid them to do, not only an answer but a rational one, He asked “why?”
I said “because we shouldn’t touch anyone here”.
He asked “Is it dirty?”
I said “yes it is. That’s why you wash it every time in washroom.”
The next time while playing, his father patted him right on the bums and my son came running to me saying: “Mammaa, baba touched me!”
I said go and say “you shouldn’t touch me here.”
And he obeyed.
The bad part about it is we don’t enjoy the full freedom to hug and kiss him now because he has become conscious!
But, this was the whole crux behind my all efforts.
The good part?
He has started taking confidence in sharing whatever he finds wrong. He has started establishing his trust in me. He has realized that he can come to me for whatever problem he jumps in deliberately or unintentionally.
And the best part?
He has learnt to raise his voice instead of finding it shameful to speak up for himself from a tender age of 2.8 years only!
Also read :Breaking the stereotype
Have you indulged this concept of self awareness and safeguard already in your child?
What has been your take on this? Do let me know via comments!